


only one man

by Just_an_evil_immortal



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Mention of Moblit Berner - Freeform, implied eruri, implied mobuhan, mention of Erwin Smith - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2021-01-04 22:15:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21204938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Just_an_evil_immortal/pseuds/Just_an_evil_immortal
Summary: One month after the survey corpses return from shiganshina Levi is behaving weird Hange confronts him and he has a breakdown, when they talk again Levi talks about his feelings and so does Hange.





	only one man

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this fic because I myselffeel shitty at the moment and wanted to express this in my writing, some of the things Hange does in this fic are ispired by things I experience because of ADHD.Lso this is not a Levihan fic I love the ship but it´s about them dealing with the loss of their loved ones.

It had been one month since their return from shiganshina district, one month since their victory over the beast titan,the armored titan, thecart titan and their gain of the colossal Titan and one month since the death of Erwin Smith 13th commander of the survey corpes. 

It had been three weeks since the left wall rose again to kill of the remaining Titans inside Wall Maria, and three weeks since captain Levi of the survey corpse had called in sick and had said he didn´t feel able to kill Titans. He didn´t further explain himself but just said he couldn´t, everyone accepted it.

It had been two weeks since Hange had noticed that her office was a lot cleaner then normal, it had always been very clean since Levi had decided to never leave Erwins side, Hange could even remember once coming into The office when she had to tell Erwin something immportant in the middle of the night she had bursted into the room and had found levi on a chair next to Erwins bed, drinking tea and reading a book while Erwin was fast asleep. He had told her to come back in the morning because Erwin needed his sleep.Levi had continued that after Erwins death he slept in the commanders office, wich was also the commanders bed room, on a chair next to the bed. Hange didn´t mind , she never slept there, she liked her own room far more, it had all her studies about titans and books she enjoyed and moving all of them to the commanders office would be a pain in the ass.

It had been one week since Levi had last left the commanders office, well at least from what Hange had seen, every morning when she entered the room he had been in there either just quitly drinking tea or studying the mission reports, everything that dated back less than five years, the time in wich Erwin had been commander. Hange had known what was wrong with him by then and stopped questioning it. In the morning when she entered she brought breakfast for herself and Levi, he would take it and offer her Tea in return. By now they had known eachother for quite sometime and Hange knew it was Levis way of saying thank you.

The first mission to go beyond Wall Maria was planed for the day after, they had as far as their record got killed all remaining Titans inside of wall Maria,wich wasn´t hard considering the fact that they had two Titan shifters and well over two hundred survey corps soldiers (after their return from Wall Maria there had again been a massive increase in people joining the survey corps).

Hange stood infront of the door to the commanders office, in hands a plate with two slices of bread and two bowls filled with something that was supposed to be a breakfast soup, even though they were now the most important section of the military and even got meat on a regular basis, most of the food was still... intresting.

It had been two minutes since she had walked up to the door and she still wasn´t able to find a way to open it without having to place the food on the ground. So she just knocked against the door with her elbow, by now she knew Levi was always inside there.

Not even five seconds later the blackhaired man opend the door for her "Oh Levi you´re such a gentleman holding the door open for me" she joked. Levi didn´t react.

Hange wanted to go into the room but Levi stopped her "Oi foureyes, take of your shoes do you want the room to get dirty. And for Roses sake take a bath." Hange handed Levi the plate, and took her shoes of outside. When she reentered the room Levi was sitting on "his" chair and was nibbling on his slice of bread while reading a mission report Hange swore she had already seen him read atleast three times. "You know calling me foureyes isn´t accurate anymore" she joked again and again no reaction from Levi.

Most of the survey corps knew something was wrong with him even most of the other millitary sections knew. But nobody knew what was wrong with him. Well nobdy expect Hange and probably the members of the Levi squad. By now the other millitairs would joke about "Levi getting old" or "his past in the underground catching up to him and making his legs weak" some would even say he was scarde of what the Titans could do.

But Hange knew better, she had never known the real nature of Erwins and Levis relationship whether they were friend or more but they were defintley close Hange didn´t know why, all she knew was that after they came back from the missions that killed levis two friends Levi hadn´t left erwins side. But this relationship wasn´t onesided Erwin always asked Levi for his opinion on things and seemed amazed everytime Levi killed 5 or more Titans in one strike. When Levi first started cleaning the entire base Erwin would always offer him help, Levi assured him he didn´t need help, Erwin helped him anyway.

When Eriwn became commander the first thing he did was making Levi captain off a squad alongside with his longtime friend Mike and Hange herself. At first Levi was not amused that he could spend less time with Erwin but he eventually grew to like his squad and even spent some time with them and still found time to clean Erwins room. Now that he had people helping him cleaning he freed Erwin completly from cleaning dutity even though Erwin had assured him he was till able to help but Levi insited on it so Erwin did what he was asked. Levi was also defending Erwin, he once nearly killed a nobleman that had made fun of Erwin for his choices. It took quite a bit of Erwins irresitable charme to convince the Nobleman to not execute Levi. 

After His first squads death and Levis twisted ankle he again had an excuse to follow Erwin around most of the time, well at least till erwin ordere Levi and Hange to watch over pastor nick. After Erwin had lost his arm Levi insisted on staying with him all the time even argueing with Erwin it was better this way but eventually Erwin had convinced him to stay with the Levi squad 2.0 to protect Eren and Historia. Eventually when the time of the mission to retake wall Maria came Levi didn´t want Erwin to come with them, it was to dangerous he had argued. Erwin had even told her Levi had threatend to break his legs if he wanted to come with them but eventually gave in. Hange also knew about their talk, in wich Erwin had promised to give his life for humanity if Levi took down the beast Titan.

Hange also had seen the relieve in Levis eyes when floch had brought the wounded Erwin to them and the pain in his eyes when he had realised Erwin wouldn´t survive if he didn´t get the Titan serum and the even greater pain when he decided to let Erwin rest.

Hange sat down on her chair a cup of steaming hot tea infront of her, like everyday the for the past month. She took her "soup" and the spoon liyning next to it and started to eat while filling out official documents regarding the mission of the next day, she barley had time to do anything else for the last week. It was a big mission bigger even than retaking wall Maria. The task was to go outside wall Maria and go around it one time wich meant they had to stay on the horses the entire day and they could sleep from sunset to sunrise and not longer and besides that they also had to pack alot of food so that the soldiers would be at their best in case they find Titans on their way.

The Mission would go as following: they would start at sunrise so they would reach Wall maria around noon, they would stay there till sunset and eat or rest then they would divide into two squads one led by Hange and one led by... well they hadn´t found someone to lead the other squad, Mikasa had offered herself but Hange prefered having mikasa in her squad and considering that she hadn´t even been in the survey corps for more than three month Hange wasn´t sure if this task was suited for her, but the problem was: nobody was. Nobody expect Hange herself and

" Levi?" 

"Yes four- yes Hange "

This was the first time He had called her by her real name and not some kind of nickname. Levi called everyone by a nickname everyone but Eriwn he would ocasianaly refer to him as "the commander" or "Commander Smith" but only infront of High millitary. He reffered to his squad as "brats" to Mike as"the big guy" he would also sometimes refer so the other members of the surey corpse by just describing them or poinitng at them and just saiyng "that one" but Hange was sure he secretly knew all their names.

"Do you think you are able to join us on the mission tomorrow wecould really use your help"

Levi looked into the cup of tea he was holding in hands and said: "I don´t think I´m able to do that".

"Why not?" that was the first time she asked him that question since he had started behaving that way.

Levi looked up from his tea "I just dont feel able to do it" he said and took a big sip of his tea. He stood up came to the big desk and refilled his cup.

"Sit down " Hange said as Levi wanted to go back to were he had sat.

"Why"?

"We need to talk!" stated Hange.

"Why?" he asked again.

"About your behaviour!" Hange said and stood up, Levi didn´t seem intimidated but he sat down anywas, and so did Hange.

"I don´t know what you want to talk about when it comes to my behaviour" Levi said after a long pause of them just staring at eachother, he again took a sip of his tea.

"I think you know exactly what I want too talk about" Hange and also took asip of the tea she hadn´t touched since she had entered the room it was cold and tasted horrible but Hange knew showing that woul hurt Levis pride so she just put down the cup and continued "I want to talk about Erwin"

Levi closed his eyes for a few seconds by the mention of his deceased friends name "what do you want to know about him" Levi knew that wasn´t what she meant she had already stated she wanted to talk about him but he wanted to avoid this conversation at all cost.

"I don´t want to know anything about him I want to talk about you´re behaviour since he..." Hange knew mentioning any varity of the word death in regards of Erwin was a bad idea so she just said "... since he has unfortunatley left us."

"I don´t know what you mean" he said and took another sip from his tea, he knew exactly what she meant.

"I mean that you´re always here in Erwins old office and that you rarely talk, even less than before and that you´re cleaning this room to death, I mean look around here this room hasn´t been this clean since... since before I´ve joined the survey corps. You´re constantly reading his old mission reports even though you´re probably able to recite them by now, you haven´t left this room in a week and You havent been on any missions for three weeks., and I doubt you would eat if I wouldn´t bring you food every once in a while."

Levi looked into his teacup again, there was only a small portion left, he took the last sip and simply said " Ok".

"Levi I know what he meant to you, but we have all lost people we..."Hange didn´t know what word to use to describe Erwins and Levis relationship so she said "people we ... loved." Hange thought about Moblit what he had done for her, he had been her assistant since she had become squad leader and had helped her quite a lot he had defended her infront of the millitary police after Nicks death and would always stay awake when she needed his help even it meant he had to stay awake for days. He had also saved her, the first time when she was talking to sawney and he pulled her back so the titan couldn´t bite of her hand and the second time in shiganshina by kicking her into the well to protect her from beeing hit by the collosal titans explosion. Hange had to surpress a tear at the thought of Moblit giving his life just to save hers.

Levi mumbled something Hange didn´t understand because she was deep in thoughts about Moblit "what was that?" she asked.

"I said" Levi took a sip from his cup wich was already empty but he wanted to delay his answer as much as possible "I said, do you really know what he meant to me" 

Hange had expected everything expect this. "Well I know...I know you were good friends" Hange said. 

"You have no idea how much he meant to me" Levi said very loudly, he also seemed angry "Erwin Smith meant everything to me "Levi was screaming now.

That was the first time Hange had seen him express so much feeling he was now standing up and looked furious. "I´m sorry" she said but she staid steady.

"He was the only thing that kept me going" Levi continued and Hange was sure there were tears in his eyes "And now that he is gone I have nothing to fight for "

Hange felt guilty for bringing it up now.

"Everything I had in my life was taken from me" he yelled now tears running down his face, Hange never thought the cold Levi could get this emotional "My mother died when I was nine, kenny the guy who cared for me whom I found out was my uncle left me when I was 13 my only two friends were eaten by titans my entire squad was killed by that annie brat and Erwin the person who meant the most to me, the guy who got me out of the underground who took me under his wing despite the fact that I tried to kill him was the only one I had left " Levi sobbed heavily and Hange felt even guiltier, she didn´t know the exact details of Levi joining the survey corps she had only ever known he was from the underground city and he had joined the survey corps along with two friends because they were all extraordinary good in using the 3dm gear. Levi continued "the only one I had left is... is dead now."

Hange felt guiltier than she had ever imagined she could feel. She hadn´t known about his past and doubted anyone( besides maybe Erwin) had ever known it."I´m sorry for assuming I know anything about you but..." Hange wasn´t sure if it was a good idea to end this sentence, Levi was still standing up tears running down his face "but at one point you have to continue your own life you can´t just stay inside of this room and clean everything or arange the mission reports or any other excuse you have to stay here" Hange said and got louder with every word, they were now both standing.

"Ok, if you don´t appreciate my help than I will just leave" he said turned on his heels grabed his (or probably Erwins) jacket and left the room.

Hange just stared at the door for a few minutes not knowing whether she should follow him or not but eventually decided to give him some space.She wasn´t sure whether he just left the room and went somewhere else or if he left completly, so she just sat down and continued what she had done before. She assingned Mikasa as the leader for the second squad and leaned back in her chair.

After what Levi hab told her she was now able to understand his and Erwins relationship a bit better. She remebered how when Levi first started following him around Erwin had told her he thinks Levi is still planning to kill him and to take the money he was promised. She also remebered once in a meeting in wich they were planning their next mission Erwin had joked about Levis tea obsession, everone had been terrified about the fact that Erwin even dared to joke about Levi, but Levi had just laughed at it, in fact that was the only time Levi had ever laughed, at least infront of her. then she remebered the fact that Levi and Erwin would always eat dinner (or breakfast, depending on the time they returned) together after a mission and that Levi would make sure Erwin was Ok as often as possible.

Looking back their relationship seemed a lot more intimate than what Hange had originaly thought, Levi would also make sure Erwin didn´t stay awake overnight so that he would sleep atleast eight hours a day and on the same hand erwin made sure Levi wouldn´t stay awake allnight. 

From what he had just told her Hange was now able to see that Levi´s Life had been very hard compared to her owns the only problems she had ever had were the fact that her mother had died when she was eight and her eyes, she wasn´t even able to tell mike and nanaba apart without her glasses but besides that her life had always gone the way she wanted, she had been the best in the theoretical exam and the sixth in the practical exams when she was in the trainig corps, sometimes she wondered what would have happend if she had joined the Millitaray police. Hange noticed that her thoughts had again drifted of and that she still had a stack of around 50 casuality papers regarding the mission of the next day. That would often happen to her, she thought about one thing then about the next thing and then five hours later she would notice she hadn´t done anything but not today Hange had decide that when she was done she would look for Levi and try to talk to him again.

Hange wrote down the last few informations and signed the last paper then she colapsed onto the desk "finally" she though and allowed herself a weak smile. She was finally done and it was only, she looked up to the clock that hung above the door, only 4pm that meant she still had three hours till dinner wich was enough time for a nap and after that she could sleep for... "I need around 15 minutes to eat dinner lets say 5 minutes for the walk downstairs and the walk upstairs again thats means 7.20pm we have to leave tomorow at 7 in the mornig wich means I have to get up at five to wake everybody and to prepare everything so I can now sleep for three hours and after that for nine hours and around 40 minutes wich is together 12 hours and around 40 minutes" she calculated. Hange smiled at the thought of beeing able to sleep for more than twelve hours she had barley ever slept more than five hours for the last month.

Hange lifted her head from the desk and looked around the room and her gaze fell onto the bed, now that Levi was gone she would be able to sleep in the big comfy looking bed of the commanders office, not that she would mind levi beeing in the room she had often fallen asleep on the desk while Levi was in the room, but she was sure Levi would mind, "wait" she said to herself "Levi" she remembered the fact that she had promised herself to look after him when she was done with her work. So she did.

Hange was extremly tired but looking for Levi was her first priority now. She looked around everywhere she asked everyone who crssed her way, Eren, Jean, Floch and even some of the new recruits, but nobody knew anything about the captain.

When she had looked through the entirity of the survey corps basis it was already 5.27pm wich meant around 1.5 hours less sleep. Hange had already given up and was sure Levi had left, she was ready to just colapse into bed she walked by a walk in cleaning closet in wich Levi would always store his cleaning supplies and Erwin and Mike would hide their booze, could it be?

Hange opened the door to the small room, they had started to use the stone from the cave in wich Rod Reiss had turned into the 120m titan a while ago. So the room was lit in the slight blue shine of the stone wich was hanging from the ceiling. And Indeed Levi was sitting on the ground of the room leaned against one of the closets. In hands a bottle of an amber colored liquid. He was looking up to the ceiling.

"You know I gave up one and a half hours of sleep just to make sure you´re OK". When she started to speak he looked at her and when she ended he leand back against the closet. Hange damned herself for beeing insensetive, and joking when Levi was obviously feeling horrible.

Hange stepped into the room and closed the door behind herself. She wasn´t entirly sure what she should do,so she sat next to him "What have you got there?" she asked refering to the bottel in his hands, it was obviously alchohol on one hand was this the place where Erwin and Mike hid their booze incase they wanted to have a "party" if you could call it that and on the other hand was Levi stinking of alcohol very badly, but Hange needed something to start a conversation. 

"Erwins favorite booze" he proclaimed by lifting the bottle up in the air and then taking a big gulp from it, he sounded very drunk. Wich meant he had been drinking a lot of alcohol considering the fact he didn´t get drunk easily, once when they all had a few days of duty they were all staying in the city and had decided to go bar hoppin Levi had drunken the second most, after Moblit, and didn´t even show the slightest signs of beeing drunk, he even had carried Erwin back to the place they were all staying at wich had looked sureal considering the fact that Erwin was nearly a foot taller than Levi. Hange drifted of again her thoughts somewhere else completly forgetting what she wanted to ask him next. 

"Watcha want foueyes" he asked after a few minutes of silence. It brought Hange back into reality.

"Nothing,I´m just here sitting next to you and if you want to talk you can talk and if you don´t want to talk you can just don´t talk and I´ll be just quitly sitting next to you " she said, "and if you want me to leave I´ll leave of course" she added.

"No, you can stay" he said and took another big gulp from the bottle, "I actually like your company".

Hange was sure he would have never told her that if he was sober, she had never seen him drunk before but still, alcohol made him talkative, atleast a bit. So they just sat there for a while not talking just staring at the wall, Levi drinking some of his liquor every once in a while and Hange just thinking about god knows what.

After about half an hour, Hange had taken one of the bottles that were hidden behind one of the closets and had also begun drinking, when Levi said: "have you ever lost someone very close to you and you just didn´t know what to do."

Hange was baffled at the question, Levi had never asked her something peronal before and then sometihng like that "Well" she begun "my mother passed away when I was eight " she said and drunk some of her liquor, the thought about it was hard and even now more than twenty years later it stung, "And Moblit" she added wich stung even harder even though her mothers death still hurt, Moblit´s hurt more she had lived nearly her whole life without her mother but Moblit someone whom she had known for a few years but who was always around her, someone her age someone she called one of her closest friends who had just recently died by saving her, whom she would have never expected to die so soon, his death hurt more.

"And how did you deal with that?" he asked.

"I didn´t" said Hange half laughing half sad "I still feel shitty about it but I guess I just move on and try not to think about it" She took a very big gulp from her bottle.

"Y´know I just miss him, I just miss him so much and I don´t know what to do" Levi said and in his voice Hange was able to hear the fact that tears were probably running down his face by now. "I thought looking through his stuff would help me but that made it worse!" 

"I don´t know either"

Levi moved closer to Hange and placed his head on her shoulder, "Why does this shit always happen to me, why can´t I just have someone that stays in my life" he sobbed and Hange laid her arm around his shoulder, she wasn´t very good in comforting people or dealing with other peoples feelings, heck she wasn´t even able to deal with her own feelings but she was sure this was OK.

"I dont know why shitty things happen to people and I don´t know how to deal with these sitty things but I think the best thing we can do is to just deal with it"

"Yeah maybe that´s just how it is, shitty things always happen and the only things we can do is giving up or accepting that."

"And besides Erwin wouldn´t want this for you, he would want you to continue to fight for his goal, freedom"

"That wasn´t his goal, the only thing he wanted was to prove someting"

Hange was baffled, Erwin had always seemed so convinced he could bring freedom to Humanity that Hange wasn´t able to believe what she had just heard. "And what was that?" she asked "If his goal wasn´t freedom for Humanity what was so important that he would die for it"

"When he was a kid he asked his father where Titans came from, his old man told him he thinks Titans were once Humans, Erwin told his friends and the old man was murdered, probably by kenny from what he described. Erwin wanted to proof his father was right so he didn´t have to feel shitty about it anymore"

"So what he did was just for himself?"

"Yeah"

"But you don´t care, don´t you, he´s still important to you, regardless of his motivs."

"Yeah!"

"Tell me"

"What?"

"Tell me why he was important to you,... if you want, I would really like to hear it."

Levi stayed quite for a few moments then he began talking "He took me in even though I tried to kill him, and he trusted me, he would tell me top secret millitary stuff he wasn´t supposed to tell anyone and there was this... this thing I can´t describe it something like a indestructible bond that held us together, a feeling I had never felt before like I had to protect him, like I should always stay at his side and make sure he´s okay and no matter how often I was by his side he never seemed annoyed, he alwas invited me to come along even when going out with mike, his best friend he didn´t mind me. Everyone I have ever had has left me,"Levi had been sobbing for some time now and Hange felt her shirt getting wet where his head was lying "Everyone expect Erwin he stayed with me he defended me infront of the higher ups and even risked getting executed, nobody has ever done something like that for me and I never knew how to thank him so I just did everything to make him feel good"

"The reason why I survived the explosion of the collosal titan was Moblit, he kicked me into a well and i survived but he didn´t, he could have jumped into it himself but he chose to safe me and I don´t know how to feel about this. He has done so much for me and now he´s gone and I´m not able to tell him how thankfull I was that he was always by my side"

"I didn´t know that, I just assumed you survived on your own and that you couldn´t care less about most things, also I´m sorry I screamed at you"

"Everybody has stuff they carry around, we just have to live with it" Hange said, it was weird to talk about her feelings and it was even weirder to do so in a cleaning closet, drunk, and with Levi.

"I said I don´t have anyone left but that´s not true, I have you and I have those damn brats that cause nothing but trouble but I guess that´s my family now." Levi said and laughed.

"Aww you´re a softie I knew it" Hange said and Hugged Levi.

"Don´t tell anyone about this or I´ll make sure I can´t even call you threeeyes" he said and tried to push her away but he eventually gave in and hugged her back.

"So will you join us tomorrow " Hange asked after a few minutes.

"Yeah, I think I can do so, I have to protect my new family" he said with a small smile on his lips.

"That´s amazing the higher ups have already started joking about you, you have to show the the real Levi so they piss themselves at your sight" Hange laughed and noticed that she was also quite drunk"

And Levi actually started laughing too."But I want one thing if I join you tomorrow" he said after he had calmed down.

"And what is that" Hange asked and he told her.

A few minutes later someone yelled in the halls "Commander we´ll have dinner now" it was Eren.

"Yeah I´ll come "Hange yelled back and got up "you comin" she asked and offered Levi her hand, he took it and got up when someone opened the door"commander what are you doing in the closet... and with capain Levi" Eren said puzzled.

"We´re drinkin and talkin ´bout feelings, grown-up stuff, y´know" Levi said and walked out of the room.

Eren looked still puzzled, he looked at Hange as if to get an answer to the questions in his head but she just shrugged it of and left too.

Eventually they all sat together in the big community hall of the survey corps basis and ate dinner.

This night Levi slept in his own bed and Hange slept in the commanders bed and was still able to get nine solid hours of sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> deleted the second chapter beause I really didn't like it
> 
> check out my tumblr just_an_evil_immortal 
> 
> if you like this fic give kudos and write a nice comment I would really appreciate that


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